Ms. Kari Shaw will assume the position as superintendent of Kearsley Community Schools as soon as spring break is over.

Mr. Brian Whiston, the state school superintendent, personally asked her to replace Ms. Patti Yorks.

Upon hearing the news, Shaw accepted, and was overly excited.

Shaw plans to write a new code of conduct, fire and hire new teachers, and of course, reform the English departments in all of Kearsley’s schools.

“Reforming how the English departments are run in each school will be my first priority,” Shaw said. “English is the basis of all learning. It is important for all students to have a wide range of English abilities.”

Principal Brian Wiskur is unsure how he will like Shaw being his boss.

“After being her boss for many years, the tables have turned and now she will tell me what to do,” Wiskur said. “It is definitely a change, but I am happy for her promotion.”

Shaw will leave a calendar for all of her classes for the substitute to follow.

She, however, will still be grading the senior projects, so students should not slack off.

Ms. Patti Yorks, current superintendent, will resign effective Monday, April 11.

In an over-the-phone interview, Whiston explained why Yorks was given an ultimatum to either resign or be fired.

“Yorks gave out far too many snow days to continue her position,” Whiston said.

The state only allows up to six snow days but Yorks called seven days off due to snow this year, throwing all of the school calendars into chaos.

Shaw, as superintendent, plans to eliminate snow days.

“We will have late starts,” Shaw said. “If we have to start at noon, so be it. Education will be the number one priority, no matter what kind of conditions the roads are in.”

Senior Tyler Frasher is distraught by the news of Shaw becoming the new superintendent.

“I have no idea where I will be without Shaw teaching AP Literature,” Frasher said. “She is the best English teacher I have ever had. She has easily become my favorite teacher.”

Shaw plans on ordering all high school students to read 500 pages a week.

“In college, you read up to 600 pages a week. It will be good for the students to start now so they are not overwhelmed,” Shaw said.

Shaw as superintendent? Shaw went to school at KHS. She will never leave the building.

Disclaimer — This story is made up and is completely fictitious. Don’t believe a word of it. April Fools!