I stood in line at a local Barnes and Noble ready to purchase my latest copy of something I had told myself to buy months ago.

After rummaging through my wallet I, of course, scanned the counter for something (not really sure what exactly) that would more than likely be an impulse buy (curse those great marketers).

While looking over all of the cute knickknacks, I came across a quote that seemed like something I would see on my lovely Tumblr feed.

It read, “Love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. To love somebody isn’t just a strong feeling. It’s a decision, a judgment, and a promise.”

“I can help whoever is next in line,” a soft voice said.

I checked over several employees behind the checkout counters to find a fair-skinned woman, face framed by long blonde hair, smiling at me in an effort to hint that I was in fact the person to whom she was talking.

On my drive home, giddy to read my new book, the thought crept into my mind once more.

Maybe it was the three cups of coffee in my system that made me jump from one thought to another, but suddenly I had my own question that stemmed from the quote I had happened to lay my eyes on, and I now desperately needed an answer to: Is love a choice or a feeling?

Real love has been defined as a choice and a feeling, but which one is it exactly?

How would I know?

I have never been married. Therefore, have I really experienced an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person?

And then I realized, this was only the beginning to my profound quest.

Mr. and Mrs. Gary and Linda Williams offered their marriage experience as an insight in hopes to answer my question — Is love a choice or feeling?

The Williams have been together for 58 years, married for 55.

Linda Williams

“I went to a dance with a guy I was dating, and he said, ‘Let me introduce you to a friend,’ and he introduced me to Gary,” Linda said. “That was his undoing.”

As eager as I was to just ask her my main question based on her marriage, I found it best to start off with basic ones.

“What has been the hardest part about marriage?”

“Marriage taught me to compromise a lot, and let me tell you, missy, Gary and I are two different people,” Linda said with a grin. “A lot of times I had to give in, but I didn’t mind. I chose to do that. Loving him was a whole other deal.”

Linda then went on to tell of a personal experience with Gary.

“He (Gary) wanted to live off the grid when he was younger. I didn’t want any part of that,” Linda said. “He had to compromise with me, but if he really wanted to, I would do it for him.”

In effort to find a contrast, I asked Linda what the easiest part of marriage has been.

“If I had to choose what has been the easiest, I would say it is having each other to depend on,” Linda said.

Linda then commented on Gary’s best feature: his strength.

“He was always the strong one,” Linda said. “I asked him for advice on a lot of things. Of course, not everything, but he always seemed to have a good sense most of the time. He’s a strong person.”

“Linda, is love a choice or feeling, in your opinion?”

“Is love a choice or feeling?” Linda said aloud before answering. “It was a feeling, at least, for me. No way would I have married Gary without loving him.”

Gary Williams

I only found it fair to ask Linda’s husband the same questions so I could see both sides of their marriage that happened to be the ideal, realistic fairy tale we dream of as young kids.

“What have you found to be the hardest part about marriage, Gary?”

“The hardest part about marriage is trying to balance the authority of power and decision making,” Gary said. “A marriage is not meant to be run as a dictatorship, of course.”

He said it like he believed it, and I cannot help but agree as I tuck that thought away for future reference.

“Now, what is the easiest part about marriage?

“I think the easiest part actually is before you get into the marriage and making sure you have the right partner for the rest of your life,” Gary said. “You have to be flexible …. When times are good, you have to be willing to change with them.”

Again, his answer seemed more than worthy to tuck away, too.

As I mentally noted his statement, Gary continued, and I could tell by the tone in his voice, he was going to teach me something valuable.

“If you share everything with everyone, you need to let your partner know. Being open with everyone and sharing your problems with everyone is bulls–t. Solve your problems with you and your partner because that is the only person you need,” Gary said sternly.

Enamored by his wisdom, I finally remembered why I was there. I was more than eager to hear his answer.

“So, in your opinion, is love a choice or feeling?”

He seemed like I had thrown him off his game, but I knew he would answer truthfully.

“I have never really thought of it that way, but I want to say it is mostly a choice,” Gary said.

Stunned, I wanted to question why he believed it is a choice, but he beat me to it.

“Feelings are usually driven by something or a situation and you can get caught up in it, but feelings … feelings change.”

I could tell he was not finished, so there was a long pause.

“I chose to love you (gesturing to Linda), I chose to feel this way. There are still a lot of things to figure out, even at my age, and I’m still not quite sure on the answer,” Gary said.

Epilogue

During the time I worked on this column, Gary Williams was fighting liver cancer. He fought for his life admirably and strongly, dying on Jan. 9. I am beyond honored to have been able to know him and allow my readers to fall in love with his marriage just as I did.

Gary Williams’ obituary

Those desiring may make contributions to the American Cancer Society or the U of M Cancer Center.

Afterword by Alyssa Williams, KHS Class of 2014

This article is about my grandparents and whether they believed love was a choice or a feeling.

Knowing Nadia as a human being and a writer, I expect it to be nothing less than it to capture my grandparents to their full extent.

For those of you who have never encountered Gary and Linda, I have to tell you that they are two very different people.

Throughout their many years of marriage they have went through things that many couples will, and they made it through stronger than ever.

I was able to witness something very new this year when it comes to their relationship.

What happens when you are put into a situation where your spouse is given a timeline until their life ends?

Although normally irritable and regularly impatient, while Grandpa was in his last weeks of his life, he continued to grow more and more frustrated.

Grandpa, who was normally moving all around, was bedridden. Grandpa, who was normally completely independent, had to rely completely on Grandma, which I am sure he was embarrassed by.

In the article, Grandma stated that Grandpa was always the strong one, but the tables took a drastic turn during his fight against cancer.

This article was written while Grandpa was sick but still somewhat aware of what he was talking about and while Grandma was busy taking care of him.

Previously, I always believed that love was a feeling, but now I know it is a choice.

My grandparents chose each other, everyday.

When times got tough and faith was tested, they still chose each other.

When Grandpa was only a frustrated and dependent shell of the strong man he always had been, Grandma chose to be by his side and take care of him no matter how truly angry and frustrated he got.

I hope one day someone will choose to love me like Grandpa and Grandma chose to love each other.

Papa, I miss you and I love you.

I am forever thankful for your love for me and the ways you made me laugh and made me into a better woman and a strong, driven individual.

With you anything is possible.

I still choose to love you everyday and I always will.